Wednesday, September 24, 2008

get your hands of my teats, ben and jerry!

Okay finally something INTERESTING happened in the media! Elections what elections? No no I mean INTERESTING in that it was enough to really make me wanna jump up and BLOG. Throw open my window and yell "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this any more!"

What is up with PETA? They want Ben & Jerry's to stop using cow's milk and start using human breast milk to make their ice cream? WTF? Who is running that place? Hugh Hefner? Larry Flynt? Raquel Welch? Seriously. That's just gross. The only people that should drink breast milk are babies and new age parents who want to tell all their goofy new age friends "Of course I TRIED it. There's nothing wrong with it. It's....sweet."


With all the unethical treatment of animals all over this planet THIS is what you're brainstorming on, PETA? You can't save a bunny from being tested with a shot of hair spray to the eyes? Or a rat from having a human ear sewn to it's back? You have to focus on dairy cows who probably have nothing better to do than milked all day anyway? It's not like they're cute or anything and it's not like they don't WANT to be milked. They're gaggin' for it, as my friends on Coronation Street say.

Okay, while I agree that cow's milk is not meant for human consumption WE DRINK AND EAT IT ANYWAY. I know we don't really have the enzymes required to break down the lactose. I get it. We shouldn't smoke. We should exercise. Fine. But I don't see how I'll get healthier by eating someone stranger's breast milk. I don't know WHERE SHE'S BEEN! I don't want a stranger's breast milk in my ice cream. Not in my cheese. Not in my roux. Not in my birthday cake. Not in my STARBUCK'S frapplattamochaccinasloppa.

Never mind the health. THINK ABOUT THE MENU! Even on a really basic level you totally RUIN the Ben and Jerry's list of flavours. No matter how you look at it these basic items are never going to be the same:

  • Coconut Seven Layer Bar (Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Everything But The...(Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Oatmeal Cookie CHUNK (Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Karamel Sutra (Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Berried Treasure (Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Berry N'ice (Now with Breast Milk!)
  • Oh My! Apple Pie! (Now with Breast Milk!)

So fine. The old list is RUINED. What do you do? Rename stuff? That's even worse. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS LIST OF FLAVOURS ANYWHERE. EVER.

  • Boob Batter
  • Triple Ariola Chunk
  • Bananas on the Mum
  • Chocolate Chip Boobie Dough
  • Boober Pecan
  • Chunkey Mummy
  • Cinnamom Buns

I have to believe this is some kind of joke. Some kind of mistake. Some kind of sick prank that PETA is playing on the whole www. Are they suggesting we herd a bunch of mommies and feed them grass all day and wait 'til they moo for relief? Hey, let's herd them in the farthest reaches of Alaska to save time. It's pretty cold up there. That's animal friendly AND cost efficient. Supply meets demand. Frozen t(r)eats. "Is it just you or is it cold in here?" "No, it's a bit nippy."

Yarf and barf.

Go home PETA. Go home and sleep it off because you must have been wasted to come up with this idea. Too many shrooms while you dance your ritualistic purple circle of healing dance in the forest. Back to the Shire with you! Shut 'er down before it's too late. Know your limits. You're going to embarrass yourselves and puke in the cab. This is taking the milk of human kindness way too far! Don't make us bust out any more puns!

1 comment:

Julia said...

Ha Ha.. Well.. I don't really see why you think it's gross to drink some human milk but you find it perfectly acceptable to drink from a cow. Have you seen some of those cows????

Personally.. I think I will stick with my rice dream. Milk hurts my stomach anyway.