Thursday, January 22, 2009

Buzz off

The urban dictionary defines the word buzz as such:

  1. Anything that creates excitement or stimulus; The feeling experienced by someone in a stimulated state; Gossip.
  2. The effect of getting high off of something, such as drugs or caffeine.
  3. the feeling of being inebriated from alcohol or any mind-altering substance

The urban dictionary defines the word word like this:

  1. A versatile declaration, originating (more or less) in hip-hop culture. "Word" has no single meaning, but is used to convey a casual sense of affirmation, acknowledgement, agreement, or to indicate that something has impressed you favorably. Its usage among young blacks has been parodied ad nausea among clueless suburban whites.
  2. Word is the shortened form of the phrase: "my word is my bond" which was originated by inmates in U.S. prisons. The longer phrase was shortened to "word is bond" before becoming "word," which is most commonly used. It basically means "truth." Or "to speak the truth."
  3. to concur; agree; well said

The urban dictionary defines the term buzzword as such:

  1. (n.) Ambiguous word (often hyphenated) that is repeated over and over to win support for a cause. use of buzzwords is not exclusive to any side of the political spectrum, or any particular opinion on any matter.
  2. A contemporary yet cliched word, saying or catchphrase, often used by incompetent managers in an attempt to motivate staff. Which fails.
  3. A buzzword is a term or phrase that sounds good, but means nothing. Buzzwords are widely used in the media, advertising, politics and other sections of society.

Observation of the first: In popular culture English, as a language, is inconsistent.

Observation of the second: Buzzwords can also be defined as the same whiny moan you hear all night long when a mosquito is trying to get at your jugular. Know where this blog is going?

Buzzwords just won't go away.

Buzzwords are insects in the family Irritatidae. They have a pair of scaled wings, a pair of consonants, a vowel or two, a shallow body, and long legs. The females of most buzzword species suck blood (hematophagy) from your brain, which has made them the most deadly disease vector (OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT TERM) known, killing millions of people over thousands of years and continuing to kill millions per year by the spread of infectious parroting.

Most species are marketing feeders. During the heat of the day most buzzwords rest in a cool place and wait for someone with no original thought to come along. They may still bite if disturbed. Buzzwords are adept at infiltration and have been known to find their way into residences via deactivated inspiration.

Feeding habits:
In order for the buzzword to obtain a blood meal from your brain it must surmount the vertebrate physiological responses. The buzzword, as with all blood-feeding jargon, has evolved mechanisms to effectively block creativity with their overuse and meaninglessness.

Control of buzzwords:
There are many methods used for buzzword control. Some target the larval stage, while others are used to kill or repel full blown phenomena. Much of modern buzzword control is no longer dependent on marketers but specialized THINKERS that eat buzzwords, or infect them with a disease that kills them. However, outbreaks of human buzzword-borne ignorance may still result in fogging with products that are less toxic than those used in the past.

Natural predators:
The smart account person eats buzzwords at all stages of development and is quite effective in controlling populations by simply allowing them to pass through their digestive systems and leaving them where they belong - in the crapper. Although writers and art directors can be prodigious consumers of buzzwords, many of which are pests, less than 1% of their diet typically consists of buzzwords. However, they too exhibit cannibalistic behavior and as such can reduce the population of buzzwords by coming up with ideas and original thoughts - the most effective control known to all marketing kind.

Historical reference:
Ancient tomes assert that the Roman Emperor Titus, who destroyed a temple, was punished by God who sent a buzzword up Titus' nose, picking at his brain, ceaselessly buzzing, driving him crazy and eventually causing his death.

The moral of that story is so clear I won't even bother to state it. The moral of today's blog is this:

Get original! THINK. Have thoughts of your own. Get an opinion. You must stand out above all others because the competition is fierce. That competition will grow exponentially in the next year. Add the speed at which technology advances to that equation and you are going to see a colossal fight for power over the digital space.

It's coming soon to an industry near you.

(Thanks to Wikipedia for supplying me with linguistic inspiration.)

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