Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Non, Je Regrette Rien!

Yeah so yesterday I watched La Mome okay and WTF that has to be the most saddest life story I've ever heard! For real that is like the REAL version of Eddie Murphy's aunt Bunny falling down the stairs - but not funny. Edith Piaf lived one bad thing after another after another after another. It was like torture watching this movie. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret watching it, it was just harder to watch than I expected. It's like that cloud level in the Simpsons latest video game for DS. Or the first time you try the caves level in Little Big Planet.

Spoiler spoiler:

So little Edith....
Abandoned by her mother who left her with her mother
Abandoned by her grandmother and then rescued by her father
Abandoned by her father who left her to live with his mother in a whorehouse
Was finally taken to breast by a whore
She went blind
She went unblind
Was then torn from that relationship by her father who forced her to work in the circus (no, really)
Abandoned by her father again
Lived on the streets and sang for food
Became an alcoholic
Got discovered by a gay guy who put her on stage and became her surrogate father (WTF Gerard Depardieu of all people. Can anyone say whatever happened to???)
She gained some fame
He got murdered by the mob (???)
She got taken in by another “agent” who treated her like garbage but taught her to use her arms (and somehow that was crucial)
Somewhere in there she met a man, got pregnant, abandoned her own daughter who then died of menengitis
At some point Piaf became a super star singer and met Marlena Deitrich who named her the soul of Paris (probably not true....and LOL of all things NOT true in this film I bet this is the only one)
Meet a boxer and fell madly in love but he was married so when he won the championship of the world he abandoned her and went back to his family
.... but was so in love with her he decided to go back to her.....and died in a plane crash on the way
She was struck with horrible rheumatism that warped her spine
She became addicted to heroin to deal with the pain
She began to collapse on stage on a regular basis but
Her fans were so enamoured with her they just didn't accept that she couldn't perform
She got liver disease and
....as she was convinced she was nothing without her voice, she sang herself to death.

that's all based on fact. that's her story.

Marion Cotillard won the oscar for this role...like she had to try. (Meryl Streep couldn't have done a better job if she killed one of her own for x's sake! Honestly Cotillard's was one of the best frikkin' performances I've ever seen so if you can handle how tragic the thing is then go for it.)

So does that mean when XXXXX XXXXX plays me in my life story she'll win the oscar?

Exterior Scene: The playground at Venerable John Merlini Catholic School....1982...a 12 year old is contracted to do her first illustration job - a portrait of Judas Priest. She charges a mere $20 to her friend's big brother - a high school student. On the day she delivers the product....nay THE ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE THAT SHE POURED HER HEART AND VERY SOUL INTO!...he give's her two bucks, grabs the bristol board and drives away in his Camaro, never to be seen again!!!!!!!!!!

Eat your heart out Edith Piaf! That's drama! And the oscar goes to......XXXXXXX XXXXXX.

(I haven't decided who will play me yet. Suggestions are welcome.)

And she has to be hot.

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