Wednesday, February 4, 2009

denial ain't just a river in egypt

Did you know that excommunication does not deny clergy the capacity to perform sacraments in THE CHURCH? So if you choose to excommunicate a member of your clergy all you're doing is giving him the silent treatment.

Gloria gave Archie the silent treatment All in the Family.

Maybe what is missing for the THE CHURCH is a laugh-track. A laugh-track would definitely help with its ratings because people will realize that this is all a joke. There's no other way to look at this is there? You can't rescind a punishment that isn't really a punishment in the first place. The silent treatment is not punishment. What if people just stopped talking to Conrad Black? Or Bonnie and Clyde. Or the Exxon Valdez? Or Starbucks?! Would anyone feel vindicated?


(The See and Me is filmed in front of a LIVE studio audience.)

Roll montage. Begin title track. The title track is played on an organ and sung to the tune of Those Were The Days from All in the Family:)

Boy, the way Vivaldi played. Songs that made the Easter Parade.

Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the holy days.

Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight.

Gee, our old Mobile ran great. Those were the holy days.

And you know who you were then. Nuns were girls and priests were men.

Mister, we could use a man like Moussolini again.

People seemed to be content. Fifty dollars paid the rent.

Freaks were in a circus tent. Those were the holy days.

Take a little Sunday spin, go to watch A.S Roma win.

Have yourself a holy day that cost you under a fin.

Hair was short and skirts were long. Salieri really sold a song.

I don't know just what went wrong. Those Were The Holy Days.

Act 1: (the character of Archie Bunker is now being played by Bishop Williamson)
In our first segment Archie says something stupid and Gloria tells him he is an idiot. As punishment, Gloria kicks him out and locks the door not realizing that Archie doesn't really care because he can sleep at the lodge with his buddies, who are equally ignorant.

Commercial break for beer and militia.

Act 2: Edith wipes her hands of any blame on her apron. Michael reminds Gloria that everyone down at the lodge feels sorry for Archie because he was excommunicated and has no place to go. The silent treatment may have the opposite effect that she intended. People may rally around Archie and he will win NEW friends. Gloria cries. Wahhh.

Commercial break for fast food and freshness.

Act 3: Despite the fact that Archie has not apologized, Gloria tells him he can come back home and bring his new friends with him. Archie moves back in realizing that there are no real consequences to his behaviour as long as someone thinks he might be sorry. We find out he had the key to the back door the whole time. Everyone laughs.

Fade to black. Roll credits over choral music.

See? It's just that easy to make it Sweep-week ready.

Essentially, Bishop Williamson was reinstated because he can still ordain people into his highly traditional sect. He still has power even if he's excommunicated. The See wants to make certain BW doesn't continue to ordain priests in order to grow his clique like a Chia pet. He's keeping his enemies close by pardoning them. Not sure that is the best strategy if you want to be taken seriously. Or liked.
If the Catholic church is going to get better Neilsens it's going to need a make-over. Sitcoms are a thing of the past. Reality TV is where it's at. So...

Here's an idea - instead of doling out bogus punishments like excommunication maybe THE CHURCH should start holding their ordained responsible for their actions. Use the same methods on the ordained that the ordained have used on others throughout history. Back in Medieval times punishments included the compression of the limbs by special instruments; injection of water, vinegar, or oil, into the body of the accused; application of hot pitch; placing hot eggs under armpits; tying lighted candles to the fingers, so that they might be consumed simultaneously with the wax; letting water trickle drop by drop from a great height on the stomach; or watering the feet with salt water and allowing goats to lick them.

What's that you say? THE CHURCH did no such things? Well, you could deny that too.

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