I don't know has anyone ever blogged RIGHT WHEN THEY WERE MULTITASKING? And what would that blog look like? Like this, probably.
See.
I'm watching lost and checking email and blogging. Right now we're in flashback mode and Sayid is killing a chicken in his home land. Well he's killing a chicken cuz his fat older brother won't kill a chicken clearly and oh. Sayid even has a chicken catching strategy and here is a bad shot of little Sayid breaking its neck. Bah. Didn't look anywhere near real.
You gotta love lost in HD. Now there's a backwards ad for Joe, the clothing company. It's neat but it looks like backwards Gap ads. Pag. Or Old Navy BEFORE the mannequins campaign. What exactly should I think about that campaign? What do they want me to think?
Now we're in present day but there is no present day on LOST. Sayid is in leather killing someone in Europe. Oh god it's Ben again. Ben is in control.
Remember, I'm blogging while I'm multitasking so now I'm reading copy for a client. It's good stuff. And now Sayid is in prison and ooooh are they going to cut his finger off like he does to others? Nah. They're cutting his zip tie hand cuffs.
Sip of scotch.
Check a link I got via email. Interesting article. Delete.
Back to not really present day but really 3 years later on LOST. It's a new character I already DON'T CARRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE about, Horace. He wants to know why that guy violated the truce. Sawyer is still pretending he doesn't know Sayid.
This is a cop out. It better get better. And now Sayid is being judgemental about Sawyer spending time with a 12 year old Ben in the past/present and Sawyer clocks Sayid and we're supposed to be surprised that he just punched that chicken killer in the eye.
Does Sayid really thing Sawyer will let him go? Come on. Why am I supposed to believe this. Wendy's ad about crispy chicken.
Lot's of chicken talk. Time to check my email again. Nothing there.
Wondering how fast I can type that Blue Ray was made for Bond with perfect sound and perfect picture. WTF? Oh here's an email.
This is an experiment you might think is stupid and boring but I really am wondering what a multitask blog might look like. Somebody loves their Escape, which is fuel efficient. If you ask me any escape should be fuel efficient. Otherwise, it's a vacation, not an escape. I think an escape has to happen in your head.
Back to lost and now Hugo is in the Dharma overalls serving pancakes. Yeah. They're so picky but they've recruited an obese dude and made him special overalls. Will we ever find out what the hell those lottery numbers mean? Seriously. Oh not another new character. And he has a broom. Great another character with no status that gives some cryptic and stupid advice and now he's challenging baby Ben for bringing Sayid a sandwich. Oh wait that's his kid. I get it cuz he said "You've never made me a sandwich in your whole life." and that establishes him as a dad but no...that's not enough. The writers need to tell us that is Ben's dad and oh. He is abusive too.
Well that explains everything.
Back to the past/present where Sayid is building for Habitat For Humanity. Yeah right. Ben delivers the news that John is dead. (But we know he killed him so .... oooooohhhh.... we're supposed to yell "Don't trust him, Sayid! He killed John!" Like we'd yell "Don't go in there!" in an old school horror film.
And now Ben is mentally manipulating Sayid, who, by ALL RIGHTS COULD NEVER BE MANIPULATED. But I'll buy it BECAUSE I'M DESPERATE FOR SOME ANSWERS HERE.
Can someone TIE UP ONE LOOSE END?
No. Sawyer is going to TAZE Sayid instead. Why do I watch this show again?
Sip of scotch. Check my email.
OH MY GOD IT'S DARRYL OR HIS OTHER BROTHER DARRYL FROM NEWHART. Guys, you've lost me on LOST. Wrong casting choice. It's not cute it's distracting. And now?
Check my email because this is just bull.
Respond to several emails and watch a weird ad for another movie where Russel Crowe plays yet another disheveled and intense character. Now an ad with Rick James music. No idea what it's for. Don't care. I should mention that I'm watching this episode on and HD American channel and so I get to see American ads. They're different. We're so different.
I don't know how long I can keep this up but it's exhausting. Tomorrow ABC delivers hilarious comedy with Sheryl Hines and Meghan Mullaly. Awwww...a show about dysfunctional moms, like we need that. (Still I'll give it a shot.)
Jesus now we're back to the past from 5 episodes ago when Sun pulls a gun on Ben. WTF do I really need to see this AGAIN? Do they think ANYONE who hasn't already watched this show will join NOW? Oh and look SAYID IS DRINKING SCOTCH TOO! What a bizarro coincidence. And the lady orders a bloody steak. Who orders a bloody steak? NOBODY, that's who.
Well she's good looking at least. But she is on the pull and that means she can't be trusted. Dollars to bloody steaks she's an assassin. This is a bad episode. BAD. Not slang bad=good. BAD. I don't buy this particular flirtation and SURPRISE back to the past/future where they've given Sayid TRUTH SERUM.
NOW I REALLY THINK THIS IS GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.
Check my email. Drink some scotch.
Officially give this up. Check my email. I'm laughing cuz I'm emailing with someone and we're comparing neurosis about public twalettes. And now Julia is belittling Kate cuz she ain't know nuthin bout no flat somaat engine. Whatever.
I'm bored of this episode.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
liza minelli ring tone and the power of the Internet
Ok. I'll buy that you might want a ring tone of her version of New York, New York. You might even want her version of Use Me because it is so weird. You might want any of her cheesmo Broadway stuff because someone out there, beneath the pale moonlight might actually recognize the tune. But this ring tone?
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
I'll do it again...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Now - if my name were Ada,
I'd be Ada,
Even backwards I'd be Ada
Or if my name were Ruth,
Then I'd be Ruth,
Because with Ruth,
What can you do?
Or Sally, or Margaret, or Ginger or Faye
But when you're a Liza
You always have to say...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Oh! And that is only half of it
There's another way
Fate treats me cruelly.
How often I remember someone saying
"There she goes, Lisa Minooli!"
Or Minoli, or Miniola, or Minili, or Minelie
So is it a wonder, I very often cry?
It's M-I-Double N,
then-E-Double L-I,
You double up the N, thats nn, not ll
Then E, double the L, end it with an I,
That's the way you say Minnelli...
Liza Minnelli,
It's Italian,
Blame it on papa,
What can I do?
Every Sandra
Who's a Sondra,
Every Mary who's really Marie
Every Joan
Who is a Joanne
Has got to agree with me
When I've announced
I don't mind being pommelled
Or trampled or trounced
But it does drive you bats
To be miss, Miss pronounced...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Then M-I-Double N,
then-E-Double L-I,
You double up the N, thats "nn," not "ll,"
Then E, double the L, end it with an I,
That's the way you say...Minnelli...
Liza Minnelli!!
It's easy!
It's easy! See, it's Leezy!
No! Liza........!
Um. Can you tell me who would download this? Not even the biggest Liza drag queen impersonator on the third planet from the sun would bother. It's hard enough to recognize the most famous Beatles song once it's been reduced to a ring tone and this would be unrecognizable to anyone but the most obsessed fan. And yet it is here. This is why the internet is a wonderland.
Behold the power of the Internet! From now on, I shall speak of the Internet as though it were the impetus of He-Man. SHAZAM should have one more letter! SHAZAMI! Eventually the Internet will be so powerful it will feed Niagra Falls. It will reverse global warming and you will be able to see it from the other side of the rift in space that will be created when the LHC finally starts working again. In fact they'll use it to power up the LHC and bring back the El Camino when the Internet can rollerblade across parallel universes and go back in time but not really because time won't be linear because the Internet will have changed that!
The Internet is like Jesus. What would the internet do? The internet is the ultimate YES. There is no NO on the Internet. There is only NO in your heart. The Internet will kick Chuck Norris' ass.
No matter how obscure the fact, it resides somewhere on the web. No matter how useless the ringtone connected to the obscure fact, it too, resides somwhere on the web. Facts are knowledge is power!
Behold.
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
I'll do it again...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Now - if my name were Ada,
I'd be Ada,
Even backwards I'd be Ada
Or if my name were Ruth,
Then I'd be Ruth,
Because with Ruth,
What can you do?
Or Sally, or Margaret, or Ginger or Faye
But when you're a Liza
You always have to say...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Oh! And that is only half of it
There's another way
Fate treats me cruelly.
How often I remember someone saying
"There she goes, Lisa Minooli!"
Or Minoli, or Miniola, or Minili, or Minelie
So is it a wonder, I very often cry?
It's M-I-Double N,
then-E-Double L-I,
You double up the N, thats nn, not ll
Then E, double the L, end it with an I,
That's the way you say Minnelli...
Liza Minnelli,
It's Italian,
Blame it on papa,
What can I do?
Every Sandra
Who's a Sondra,
Every Mary who's really Marie
Every Joan
Who is a Joanne
Has got to agree with me
When I've announced
I don't mind being pommelled
Or trampled or trounced
But it does drive you bats
To be miss, Miss pronounced...
It's Liza with a Z
Not Lisa with an S
'Cause Lisa with an S
Goes "sss" not "zzz"
It's Z instead of S
Li instead of Lee
It's simple as can be
See, Liza!
Then M-I-Double N,
then-E-Double L-I,
You double up the N, thats "nn," not "ll,"
Then E, double the L, end it with an I,
That's the way you say...Minnelli...
Liza Minnelli!!
It's easy!
It's easy! See, it's Leezy!
No! Liza........!
Um. Can you tell me who would download this? Not even the biggest Liza drag queen impersonator on the third planet from the sun would bother. It's hard enough to recognize the most famous Beatles song once it's been reduced to a ring tone and this would be unrecognizable to anyone but the most obsessed fan. And yet it is here. This is why the internet is a wonderland.
Behold the power of the Internet! From now on, I shall speak of the Internet as though it were the impetus of He-Man. SHAZAM should have one more letter! SHAZAMI! Eventually the Internet will be so powerful it will feed Niagra Falls. It will reverse global warming and you will be able to see it from the other side of the rift in space that will be created when the LHC finally starts working again. In fact they'll use it to power up the LHC and bring back the El Camino when the Internet can rollerblade across parallel universes and go back in time but not really because time won't be linear because the Internet will have changed that!
The Internet is like Jesus. What would the internet do? The internet is the ultimate YES. There is no NO on the Internet. There is only NO in your heart. The Internet will kick Chuck Norris' ass.
No matter how obscure the fact, it resides somewhere on the web. No matter how useless the ringtone connected to the obscure fact, it too, resides somwhere on the web. Facts are knowledge is power!
Behold.
Monday, March 16, 2009
i take it back skins 3 is not a sell out
It got really good. I can admit that I was quick to pull the trigger but is that my fault or did the producers purposely create the impression that this season would be nothing but fluff in order to entice the young'uns in and then give them some quality television? Because we all know that you can't lead a gen y horse to water unless you tell them it's Red Bull.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
ode to the creative brainstorm
This post isn't about poetry it's about the recent opining over the creative brainstorm. People are mourning it like it got hit by a car or something. But it hasn't. The opportunity to have a great brainstorm is right there in front of us but we can't see for looking cuz we're all too busy politicizing the process. Most of the time, even when we spot the opportunity to brainstorm proper, someone will murder it in the library with a candle stick before anyone even gets a chance to cop a feel. And when that happens, it's no accident.
Let's agree that whatever the brainstorm is supposed to look like, it has to happen. If you think it's useless altogether - stop reading. You're wasting your time. This post is not for you. If you agree that a brainstorm is like required reading a first-year sociology class, you may proceed.
A brainstorm is an event. You invite people. You can serve drinks. There can be entertainment. You can even include a raffle if you like. So you have to give it a location and then decide what form it will take. For example:
The knuckle buster:
Some folk say things just is what they is and a brainstorm has to be traditional. Don Draper style. That type of brainstorm consists of a glass of whiskey, a pack of Lucky Strikes and dame or a skirt. You could take this angle if you wanted to. There's nothing wrong with doing it missionary style. Old school. The way our parents used to do it. Lock yourselves in a room, pitch ideas and git at er pitter patter. Be forewarned. The traditional brainstorm often creates traditional results.
The bezzie mate:
Other people like to create a more "supportive" atmosphere wherein
no ideas are criticized
it's about quantity, not quality
wild thinking is encouraged
build on ideas put forward by others before exploring your own
How nice. If it works for you, go ahead and put that hop in your bunny.
The technological marvel complete with reports:
Some people even sell software...(which I happen to find a little scary) that can aggregate all the ideas the creative group comes up with. It will prioritize and rank those ideas and then...it creates reports! And SWOT’s and scenario building and it slices and dices too. Brainstorm and scenario building software. "No more hard copy sticky notes and flip-overs. Every participant creates, moves and groups ideas using his own mouse and/or keyboard on one screen at the same time. Vote for ideas and groups of ideas, create sub sessions, generate visual and textual reports on the fly. Twice as fast as traditional brainstorm and scenario building methods and very flexible." That's real copy I took from their site and, Sham-wow, this type of brainstorm is the opposite of what Don Draper would do.
But whatever, you get my point. A brainstorm can be a lot of things but it has to be SOMETHING and here's what it can't be:
The Sit and Surf:
If a bunch of you are in a room and you decide to launch a browser you're asking for trouble. I know it's tempting! But the sit and surf is just like a surf and turf. You order it because you think you want a little bit of this that compliments a little bit of that but in the end all you get on your plate is a bottom feeder and bite-sized piece of the protein. I am all for getting inspiration from the web, but unless you're going to interrupt your meeting to settle a bet about how leeches reproduce because you SIMPLY CANNOT CONTINUE TO BRAINSTORM WITHOUT THAT INFORMATION, you will inadvertently shut down your brainstorm. People get distracted. Death knell.
The Oh-no-you-di'int:
Don't tell people to shut up. Let them have their insanely rude, ridiculous, offensive way-off-brand thoughts. It will get you somewhere. It's easier to shave a bunch of hair off your face than to grow the perfect moustache. That being said...
The shovel:
Once your idea is on the table and you feel you've been heard, let it go. If it's worthy of further discussion, it will come back. Someone else will bring it back. Then you know it's a good idea. If you are so impassioned that you cannot let your idea go it's all about you and your ego. Leggo your ego.
There are so many dos and don'ts that this post could go on forever. What you need to have a successful brainstorm is the right people who all have open minds and one goal. The rest is just subjective. How you and your peeps get there is up to you. You want a white board? You want a bottle of scotch? You want a lot of sunlight? You want technology? Whatever works for you is great.
Pick someone to lead the meeting and have that person keep you on track. Don't waste time arguing about the merit of the product. Instead, know what the benefits of the product are. Don't waste time debating who the target is. Instead, have your personas at the ready. Don't waste time discussing advertising from an existentialist perspective. You're in advertising. You don't like advertising? Don't do advertising. Do something else. Just because it's digital doesn't mean it's not advertising. You can call a banner ad display but it's still a banner ad. Love what you're doing in that brainstorm or exclude yourself from it. Know what your role is. Know what your job is. Know where to find the integrity in what you do.
Once you're in that territory just start talking and the ideas will flow.
Let's agree that whatever the brainstorm is supposed to look like, it has to happen. If you think it's useless altogether - stop reading. You're wasting your time. This post is not for you. If you agree that a brainstorm is like required reading a first-year sociology class, you may proceed.
A brainstorm is an event. You invite people. You can serve drinks. There can be entertainment. You can even include a raffle if you like. So you have to give it a location and then decide what form it will take. For example:
The knuckle buster:
Some folk say things just is what they is and a brainstorm has to be traditional. Don Draper style. That type of brainstorm consists of a glass of whiskey, a pack of Lucky Strikes and dame or a skirt. You could take this angle if you wanted to. There's nothing wrong with doing it missionary style. Old school. The way our parents used to do it. Lock yourselves in a room, pitch ideas and git at er pitter patter. Be forewarned. The traditional brainstorm often creates traditional results.
The bezzie mate:
Other people like to create a more "supportive" atmosphere wherein
no ideas are criticized
it's about quantity, not quality
wild thinking is encouraged
build on ideas put forward by others before exploring your own
How nice. If it works for you, go ahead and put that hop in your bunny.
The technological marvel complete with reports:
Some people even sell software...(which I happen to find a little scary) that can aggregate all the ideas the creative group comes up with. It will prioritize and rank those ideas and then...it creates reports! And SWOT’s and scenario building and it slices and dices too. Brainstorm and scenario building software. "No more hard copy sticky notes and flip-overs. Every participant creates, moves and groups ideas using his own mouse and/or keyboard on one screen at the same time. Vote for ideas and groups of ideas, create sub sessions, generate visual and textual reports on the fly. Twice as fast as traditional brainstorm and scenario building methods and very flexible." That's real copy I took from their site and, Sham-wow, this type of brainstorm is the opposite of what Don Draper would do.
But whatever, you get my point. A brainstorm can be a lot of things but it has to be SOMETHING and here's what it can't be:
The Sit and Surf:
If a bunch of you are in a room and you decide to launch a browser you're asking for trouble. I know it's tempting! But the sit and surf is just like a surf and turf. You order it because you think you want a little bit of this that compliments a little bit of that but in the end all you get on your plate is a bottom feeder and bite-sized piece of the protein. I am all for getting inspiration from the web, but unless you're going to interrupt your meeting to settle a bet about how leeches reproduce because you SIMPLY CANNOT CONTINUE TO BRAINSTORM WITHOUT THAT INFORMATION, you will inadvertently shut down your brainstorm. People get distracted. Death knell.
The Oh-no-you-di'int:
Don't tell people to shut up. Let them have their insanely rude, ridiculous, offensive way-off-brand thoughts. It will get you somewhere. It's easier to shave a bunch of hair off your face than to grow the perfect moustache. That being said...
The shovel:
Once your idea is on the table and you feel you've been heard, let it go. If it's worthy of further discussion, it will come back. Someone else will bring it back. Then you know it's a good idea. If you are so impassioned that you cannot let your idea go it's all about you and your ego. Leggo your ego.
There are so many dos and don'ts that this post could go on forever. What you need to have a successful brainstorm is the right people who all have open minds and one goal. The rest is just subjective. How you and your peeps get there is up to you. You want a white board? You want a bottle of scotch? You want a lot of sunlight? You want technology? Whatever works for you is great.
Pick someone to lead the meeting and have that person keep you on track. Don't waste time arguing about the merit of the product. Instead, know what the benefits of the product are. Don't waste time debating who the target is. Instead, have your personas at the ready. Don't waste time discussing advertising from an existentialist perspective. You're in advertising. You don't like advertising? Don't do advertising. Do something else. Just because it's digital doesn't mean it's not advertising. You can call a banner ad display but it's still a banner ad. Love what you're doing in that brainstorm or exclude yourself from it. Know what your role is. Know what your job is. Know where to find the integrity in what you do.
Once you're in that territory just start talking and the ideas will flow.
are you lost on lost?
For those who are watching the ABC repeats with the pop-up video style information...you must be as dizzy as a whirling dervish.
Did you miss the Lost Experience? My sympathies. Really and truly.
But here's a quick summary of the entire show in case you don't have time to read the wiki entry:
The Ballad of ABCs LOST (*sung to the tune of - guess what - Gilligan's Island)
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from Australia
Aboard flying ship.
The nut was a lottery winner,
The doctor brave and sure.
Some passengers set flight that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The latitude was a mystery,
The metal ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the ABC crew
Oceanic would be lost, flight 183 was lost.
The ship hit ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With James Sawyer,
Jack Shepard too,
The Korean mafia dude and his wife,
The mental patient,
The British punk and Kate Freckles,
Here on ABCs LOST.
So this is the tale of the castways,
They're warping all through time,
They'll have to deal with string theory,
And the power of Jacob's mind.
The Smoke Monster and Benny too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others uncomfortable,
In the tropic island nest.
No babies, no raft, no rescue planes,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primative as can be.
So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to pay the cost,
For watching Oceanic castways,
Here on "ABCs LOST."
(Yeah I'm not the only one making this parallel. So into the wormhole you go!)
Did you miss the Lost Experience? My sympathies. Really and truly.
But here's a quick summary of the entire show in case you don't have time to read the wiki entry:
The Ballad of ABCs LOST (*sung to the tune of - guess what - Gilligan's Island)
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from Australia
Aboard flying ship.
The nut was a lottery winner,
The doctor brave and sure.
Some passengers set flight that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The latitude was a mystery,
The metal ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the ABC crew
Oceanic would be lost, flight 183 was lost.
The ship hit ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With James Sawyer,
Jack Shepard too,
The Korean mafia dude and his wife,
The mental patient,
The British punk and Kate Freckles,
Here on ABCs LOST.
So this is the tale of the castways,
They're warping all through time,
They'll have to deal with string theory,
And the power of Jacob's mind.
The Smoke Monster and Benny too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others uncomfortable,
In the tropic island nest.
No babies, no raft, no rescue planes,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primative as can be.
So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to pay the cost,
For watching Oceanic castways,
Here on "ABCs LOST."
(Yeah I'm not the only one making this parallel. So into the wormhole you go!)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
denial ain't just a river in egypt
Did you know that excommunication does not deny clergy the capacity to perform sacraments in THE CHURCH? So if you choose to excommunicate a member of your clergy all you're doing is giving him the silent treatment.
Gloria gave Archie the silent treatment All in the Family.
Maybe what is missing for the THE CHURCH is a laugh-track. A laugh-track would definitely help with its ratings because people will realize that this is all a joke. There's no other way to look at this is there? You can't rescind a punishment that isn't really a punishment in the first place. The silent treatment is not punishment. What if people just stopped talking to Conrad Black? Or Bonnie and Clyde. Or the Exxon Valdez? Or Starbucks?! Would anyone feel vindicated?
Gloria gave Archie the silent treatment All in the Family.
Maybe what is missing for the THE CHURCH is a laugh-track. A laugh-track would definitely help with its ratings because people will realize that this is all a joke. There's no other way to look at this is there? You can't rescind a punishment that isn't really a punishment in the first place. The silent treatment is not punishment. What if people just stopped talking to Conrad Black? Or Bonnie and Clyde. Or the Exxon Valdez? Or Starbucks?! Would anyone feel vindicated?
Imagine....
(The See and Me is filmed in front of a LIVE studio audience.)
Roll montage. Begin title track. The title track is played on an organ and sung to the tune of Those Were The Days from All in the Family:)
(The See and Me is filmed in front of a LIVE studio audience.)
Roll montage. Begin title track. The title track is played on an organ and sung to the tune of Those Were The Days from All in the Family:)
Boy, the way Vivaldi played. Songs that made the Easter Parade.
Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the holy days.
Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old Mobile ran great. Those were the holy days.
And you know who you were then. Nuns were girls and priests were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Moussolini again.
People seemed to be content. Fifty dollars paid the rent.
Freaks were in a circus tent. Those were the holy days.
Take a little Sunday spin, go to watch A.S Roma win.
Have yourself a holy day that cost you under a fin.
Hair was short and skirts were long. Salieri really sold a song.
I don't know just what went wrong. Those Were The Holy Days.
Act 1: (the character of Archie Bunker is now being played by Bishop Williamson)
In our first segment Archie says something stupid and Gloria tells him he is an idiot. As punishment, Gloria kicks him out and locks the door not realizing that Archie doesn't really care because he can sleep at the lodge with his buddies, who are equally ignorant.
Commercial break for beer and militia.
Act 2: Edith wipes her hands of any blame on her apron. Michael reminds Gloria that everyone down at the lodge feels sorry for Archie because he was excommunicated and has no place to go. The silent treatment may have the opposite effect that she intended. People may rally around Archie and he will win NEW friends. Gloria cries. Wahhh.
Commercial break for fast food and freshness.
Act 3: Despite the fact that Archie has not apologized, Gloria tells him he can come back home and bring his new friends with him. Archie moves back in realizing that there are no real consequences to his behaviour as long as someone thinks he might be sorry. We find out he had the key to the back door the whole time. Everyone laughs.
Fade to black. Roll credits over choral music.
See? It's just that easy to make it Sweep-week ready.
Essentially, Bishop Williamson was reinstated because he can still ordain people into his highly traditional sect. He still has power even if he's excommunicated. The See wants to make certain BW doesn't continue to ordain priests in order to grow his clique like a Chia pet. He's keeping his enemies close by pardoning them. Not sure that is the best strategy if you want to be taken seriously. Or liked. If the Catholic church is going to get better Neilsens it's going to need a make-over. Sitcoms are a thing of the past. Reality TV is where it's at. So...
Here's an idea - instead of doling out bogus punishments like excommunication maybe THE CHURCH should start holding their ordained responsible for their actions. Use the same methods on the ordained that the ordained have used on others throughout history. Back in Medieval times punishments included the compression of the limbs by special instruments; injection of water, vinegar, or oil, into the body of the accused; application of hot pitch; placing hot eggs under armpits; tying lighted candles to the fingers, so that they might be consumed simultaneously with the wax; letting water trickle drop by drop from a great height on the stomach; or watering the feet with salt water and allowing goats to lick them.
What's that you say? THE CHURCH did no such things? Well, you could deny that too.
In our first segment Archie says something stupid and Gloria tells him he is an idiot. As punishment, Gloria kicks him out and locks the door not realizing that Archie doesn't really care because he can sleep at the lodge with his buddies, who are equally ignorant.
Commercial break for beer and militia.
Act 2: Edith wipes her hands of any blame on her apron. Michael reminds Gloria that everyone down at the lodge feels sorry for Archie because he was excommunicated and has no place to go. The silent treatment may have the opposite effect that she intended. People may rally around Archie and he will win NEW friends. Gloria cries. Wahhh.
Commercial break for fast food and freshness.
Act 3: Despite the fact that Archie has not apologized, Gloria tells him he can come back home and bring his new friends with him. Archie moves back in realizing that there are no real consequences to his behaviour as long as someone thinks he might be sorry. We find out he had the key to the back door the whole time. Everyone laughs.
Fade to black. Roll credits over choral music.
See? It's just that easy to make it Sweep-week ready.
Essentially, Bishop Williamson was reinstated because he can still ordain people into his highly traditional sect. He still has power even if he's excommunicated. The See wants to make certain BW doesn't continue to ordain priests in order to grow his clique like a Chia pet. He's keeping his enemies close by pardoning them. Not sure that is the best strategy if you want to be taken seriously. Or liked. If the Catholic church is going to get better Neilsens it's going to need a make-over. Sitcoms are a thing of the past. Reality TV is where it's at. So...
Here's an idea - instead of doling out bogus punishments like excommunication maybe THE CHURCH should start holding their ordained responsible for their actions. Use the same methods on the ordained that the ordained have used on others throughout history. Back in Medieval times punishments included the compression of the limbs by special instruments; injection of water, vinegar, or oil, into the body of the accused; application of hot pitch; placing hot eggs under armpits; tying lighted candles to the fingers, so that they might be consumed simultaneously with the wax; letting water trickle drop by drop from a great height on the stomach; or watering the feet with salt water and allowing goats to lick them.
What's that you say? THE CHURCH did no such things? Well, you could deny that too.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
paraphenylenediamine rhymes with ...
Each strand of your hair is made of shaft and a root, which is surrounded by a tube of tissue under there, called the hair follicle, which contains a certain number of pigment cells, which continuously produce a chemical, called melanin, that gives the growing shaft of hair its colour. That may be a run-on sentence but at least we got the basics over with.
The dark or light colour of someones hair depends on how much melanin you have going on. Melanin comes in TWO delicious flavours: eumelanin, which is dark brown or black, and pheomelanin, which is reddish yellow.
As we get older, the pigment cells gradually die, which means less melanin, which means gray. BTW plucking doesn't help because once the cells are dead and they aren't going to start producing melanin just because you pull them out. You can't yoink your cells back to life, just like you can't yell someone back to life. Stop screaming.
It's genetic so if you've got a gray parent, you'll go gray. Why your parent is gray and your neighbour's parent isn't gray is a mystery. With all the money required to sew ears on to the backs of mice who has budget to figure out what makes some people salt and pepper heads. From the time that a person notices the first gray strands, it can take ten years or more to complete the process of complete hoariness.
M'kay. So I have at least 10 years.
You're right! She was sentenced and executed post-haste so what was up with Mary's coiff? Well...hair is dead no matter what and that means whiteness cannot travel back down the shaft - whiteness has to start at the root. This means that hair can only turn white as fast as it can grow. And there are no modern cases of anyone having a case of the overnight-whites due to stress. So when you look at it, the stress would have to be a stress caused by accidentally dropping a gallon of bleach on your head. That would be stressful. And it would turn your hair "white" but not really. Especially if you have dark hair. It goes yellow, not white. The yellow color you get from bleach is the natural colour of keratin, a protein in your hair.
So regular "going to get your head lopped off" kind of stress isn't enough to do it.
There are theories that Marie may have had a medical condition termed diffuse alopecia areata, which can result in sudden hair loss. (In maybe a few weeks.) For people who have a mix of dark and gray hair, the uncolored hair is less likely to fall out. So if she was salt and pepper to begin with it might have LOOKED like she went totally gray overnight. She was wearing a hat when they killed her anyway so WTF? It's probably just a rumor.
But if you ask me the stress of going gray is enough to make the process go faster. And unless you're THERE, unless you're finding more and more gray, you just don't know yet. You just don't know what it feels like. I say that because I've been there (back there in time) and said to someone who complained about gray hair "Oh, come on. It's distinguished." And now I can't get to the hair salon quickly enough.
How does that permanent colour thing work?
Most permanent hair colors use a two-step process (usually occurring simultaneously) which first removes the original color of the hair and then deposits a new color. You remove the colour with something like bleach or ammonia or hydrogen peroxide. It is an IRREVERSIBLE chemical reaction. That is why they call it permanent colour. The bleach oxidizes the melanin molecule rendering it colourless. Once the cuticle is opened with something like hydrogen peroxide, you can add colour. Because it's open. Pretty simple when you think about it. Alcohols and conditioners close the cuticle after coloring to seal in and protect the new color.
You'd have to wait for that to grow out so if you're sentenced to the guillotine, you can be certain you'll look your very best on d-day.
But why is gray hair wiry?
Hornification. Less antioxidants in there. Cell division. Increase in hair shaft diameter. Hair becomes wiry. Jesus, look it up. Do I have to explain everything?
Why am I blogging about this? Right. Paraphenylenediamine is supposed to be bad for you. But you know what? So is the stress of going gray.
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